Chapter Nine: My Life HereAfter by Rosaline Saul

The dorm is quiet; everybody had gone to sleep. The moonlight shines brightly through my window and I slowly move my legs from under the comforter and let them touch the warm carpet on the floor.

I tiptoe across the room and then silently I pull the still damp pair of jeans and the dry baby doll shirt from the railing in my cupboard. As I close the door, the hinges squeak softly and I freeze. I look across my shoulder quickly at the girl, Vanessa, in the other bed. The moonlight illuminates her, but her back is still turned to me and faintly I can hear her soft, deep breathing.

Mark and I made the decision to go across the valley and to find David. I feel a hint of trepidation building up in the core of my stomach, but I already told him I will go with him and he is probably waiting for me already.

In the bathroom, I pull the white cotton robe over my head and then I pull the baby yellow shirt with the tiny flowers across my shoulders and start to fasten the tiny buttons. The pair of jeans is a little trickier – it is still damp, and in places still wet. There is a dark brown stain across the top of the legs. With a struggle, I manage to get the pants up and over my hips, and then with a great effort, I tie the button. Taking a few deep breaths, I walk from the bathroom stiffly, down the corridor and the stairs to the large entrance doors on the ground floor.

Almost at the door, a feeling of fear grips me when I see a shadow loom across the frosted glass in the large entrance doors, and I stop to stare at it for a moment. Hesitatingly I take a step forward and then the voice in my ear convinces me it can only be Mark.

The part of me who does not want me to listen to the voice in my ear, tells me to be cautious. There might be guards posted at the doors. Although I cannot think of one reason why anybody would want to escape from here. The rooms are nice, the food is good, everybody is friendly, although there is still the clique forming groups, which I suppose is human nature and hard-wired into each of us. At this school, we will be learning how to be better people and once we graduate, we will become guardian angels for the people on Earth. Who would not want to be a guardian angel?

I take another step forward after I convince myself, it cannot be a guard. Surely, we are not kept here against our will, considering free will and all of that, and as I told myself seconds ago, who would not want to be a guardian angel and stay. I certainly would love to be a guardian angel. I could right the wrong I have done on the bus. The awful prank which sent sixty kids to an early death.

The voice in my head, which seems to have become louder and more persistent, says: When it is your time, it is your time. You played your part in how it would end. It was your destiny.

I must look silly as I stand there in the almost dark passageway shaking my head in denial. No way was it my destiny to cause the bus to drive down the cliff. I feel an angry feeling rise from the pit of my stomach. If it was not for the voice in my ear, I would have never even considered doing what I did.

The voice, a soft breeze against my ear, asks: Really?

With determination, I take a large step closer to the front door. As I get to the door, I reach for the handle and pull the door toward me.

Mark is peering at me from a darkened corner, where the rays of the moon cannot reach him. His hazel eyes shimmer brightly and a look of relief washes across his features. He has a strong face, a strong square jaw. His black hair is neatly combed back into a side path and the tips of his fringe hang across his brow neatly.

Smiling relieved I walk to him. “I thought you might be a sentry, or something posted at the door. I almost didn’t come,” I say softly.

He steps closer to me and folds his hand around mine as he brings his other hand up to his face. He puts his index finger against his lips in a gesture I understand: Do not say a word.

I do not get any revelations or glimpses into his psyche from his palm pressed against mine like I did earlier when his hand touched mine for the first time.

Gently he pulls on my hand and I follow him down the side of the long steps, where the shade of the large oak tree blocks the rays of the moon. He leads me to the right of the building away from the direction where we are supposed to go, the direction of the gate.

I do not argue with him. When we are away from the building I will ask him, why we went this way first, instead of going to the gate.

Following him around the dorm building, he leads me up a hill to the side.

Breathless, we reach the top. I have never been very athletic or sporty, as they say, and so I am not fit at all. Exercise beyond the limits of walking, my body is definitely not used to. I turn around trying to catch my breath and the view is ethereal.

The bright moon glints off the roofs of the buildings and makes it sparkle like images in a dream. Maybe I am only dreaming, but the warmth of my hand in Mark’s hand is proof this is not a dream.

It feels too real and besides, never before have I ever had a dream about Mark, so why would I now suddenly dream about Mark holding my hand. A thought crosses my mind and I smirk inwardly. Loser that I am, I am most probably fast asleep on the bus, drool oozing from the corner of my mouth, and dropping down in slow motion drops onto my shoulder, while every other kid is laughing softly at me - not with me. This is all just a dream.

The voice in my ear laughs sarcastically, just as Mark whispers, “Come. I have already taken a walk up here. There is no fencing so we can just walk away down into the valley.”

I turn in the direction he is facing. The grassy hill continues down and then as if in a straight line, clearly marking off the one side from the other there is a line of dark, bottle green trees. It is as if the rays of the moon stop at the last blade of grass, and it does not touch so much as a splinter on the trunks of the trees forming a straight line across the valley. I look to my left and then to my right. The line of trees seems to continue into infinity.

Nervously, I take a step with Mark as he starts walking down the hill toward the line of trees.

“Wait.”

He looks back over his shoulder at me. “What?” He asks softly.

“I don’t know.” I cannot say more because I do not really know what it is I want to say.

He turns to me. “Do you rather want to stay here? I can go by myself.”

“No. I want to go with you. I want to see what’s on the other side.” I do not tell him the main reason why I need to see what is on the other side. I want to know where they will be sending me once they discover I should not be here on the good side, and that I actually belong on the bad side, no matter if Vera said, no mistakes were made.

He looks at me pensively for a long moment, and then he starts walking again.

Hesitantly, I follow him down the hill.

The hill is steeper than it looks. My foot slips out from under me and my leg swings up so high in front of me, I can see my big toenail in the colourless glare of the moon. As I brace myself for the impact against the ground, Mark pulls my hand, and I feel the painful pull on my shoulder while his other arm comes around my waist fast.

He pulls me against him, and instinctively I push my palms against his chest. He is invading my personal space. I feel the rigidity of his chest under my palms, and I want to stand there for a little longer. It feels as if for the first time, my mind feels clear of the little whispering voice in my head. There is a void of silence.

I move away from Mark self-consciously when I realise there might be a possibility that wherever Charlene is right now, she could maybe see us and the way I am clinging like a drowned rat to the boy she has had a crush on since the moment she first laid her eyes on him.

“Come,” he says as he starts walking down the hill again. “We’ll go slower.”

Feeling embarrassed, I keep up with him. I do not want him to think I am pathetic, and in need of rescue. I am here to help him find his brother and not to hold him back.

The closer we get to the line of trees standing in a straight horizontal line as if they fiercely guard the entrance, the more I feel a sense of trepidation fill me.

The feeling is like a red-hot spot in the pit of my stomach, and then it glows further out in concentric circles until it radiates throughout my entire body.

I hesitate and my hand pulls on Mark’s. He is walking a step ahead of me, so he turns back to look at me. There is a concerned, worried look on his face. I realise he is feeling the same way I am.

He is also wondering if this is a good idea. It is not the best thought out plan and we do not even know exactly where we are going. We only saw the other vehicles disappearing into the dense forest, and then there was no sign of them. It would have probably been better to have sneaked out of the front entrance gate at the school and to have followed the road.

I look past him at the tree trunks, and then into the black dense nothingness, I speak my mind, “We should have followed the road. We don’t know where we are going… Exactly.”

“This afternoon after you went to your dorm room, I walked up this hill and I looked across the valley. At first, I did not see anything either until there was a glint of sunlight on something metallic. I looked harder and I could see just a tiny bit of a metal roof. If we walk straight across, we’ll get to it.”

“How will we know we are walking straight, though?”

He smiles. “I used to be a boy scout, so I am sure I’ll be able to find my way through a forest.”

With a deep gulp of air, which makes my chest rise dramatically, I try to say with confidence, but there is still an unmistakable hint of fear hidden deep within, “Okay, let’s do this.”

Together we step into the darkness.

Continue reading Chapter 10/25

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