Chapter Twenty: My Life HereAfter by Rosaline Saul
A long time ago, when I was just a little girl of five years old, my heart had cracked at the ugliness and meanness of words, and I did not catch the pieces to try to fix it. This caused a small fissure in my soul, which let a darkness in, a darkness I now needed to face. Not only do I have to face my demon to save my own soul, but I need to face it for Carly.
Carly, whose mum might give up her will to live now that
Carly has also been snatched away from her. Carly needed to find a way to get
back to her mum, to make sure her mum was okay and to let her know everything
will be okay.
And, even if Carly could not make it back personally, she
would have to find a way to get one of the other guardian angels to do it for
her, and if that did not work, then she would have to find a way for God to
make sure her mom survives the loss of a husband and a daughter in such a short
space of time through the support and love of Carly’s grandparents.
For Mark, who is strong and brave and feels the need to be
protective over his little sister, because his parents are emotionally absent.
A protectiveness he has now transferred to me. What would happen to his little
sister without him? So, I needed to face my demon, so Mark can find a way to
make his parents realise family and love is way more important than all the
things money could buy.
And also, for David. Rebel. Doing everything in his power to
get attention from his parents. Feeling as if he is only second best to his
brother who must be getting all the praise at home, for always being so
diligent, yet sacrificing to look after his little sister, while his parents
practised the sin of hoarding and greed. An anger has grown in him and needed
to be defeated.
I realise there should be a balance in things.
There is nothing wrong with working hard to get what you
want, but it should not be to the exclusion of everything else.
A person should not seek wealth, but then neglect family and
love in the process. Should not trample on the emotional needs of others, to
achieve goals. We all deserve to get what we fight for, and I want to feel
happy, happy with everything I have even if it is not as abundant as the things
other people have, or I imagine they have.
Since Genevieve hurt me with her spiteful words, I have
looked up at the rich people in their glass houses, and I thought the only way
I would ever be good enough is when I also lived up there, but I am so wrong.
They might have everything their hearts desired, but they
had other problems which I did not have.
My parents might argue about petty things, but when they
weren’t fighting, they loved each other. They loved me and my brother, Adrian,
and even though we did not have a lot of money, we were happy. We ate supper
together, watched movies, spend hours talking. My mother knew my every secret
because I trusted her with them.
I wonder how many of the kids I had envied for most of my
life could say the same.
I realise all of this too late. I should have known all of
it when I was alive, not now when I must fight for the preservation of my soul,
so I do not have to go to that place of eternal damnation.
It is too late now, as I realise, I deserve to be here. I
have sinned many of the seven deadly sins. I have been angry at people who get
everything they want, envious of the rich people who live in their big houses
up against the hill in our little town, I have been greedy of my friendship
with Charlene and Lionel, wanting to keep them all to myself, never wanting to
share them with anyone. I did not want to share Mark’s protection with Carly
when we were lost in the woods.
Not to mention, my apathy with life in general. I have
always wondered what makes some people more deserving than others, never
realising my perspective of life was all wrong. Now, in this place, I am going
to get what I deserve, but it is too late now to change anything.
I must be brave now, if not for me, then for Carly, Mark and
David who do not deserve to be here. If not for me, they would be living their
lives as they normally would. I am the reason they are here now.
I am the reason for their untimely death, and the reason they do not have a chance to change the outcome of their lives.
They will never have the opportunity to change anything, to realise their mistakes and to learn from the errors of their ways because I killed them all.
Continue reading Chapter 21/25
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